06.04.2009
I am struggling with anxiety and have asked for advice from our social worker (not of our faith). She asked me: “Are you looking for help through your temple? Or outside?” At first it sounded so strange only because it isn’t a common phrase you would hear in church or read in the scriptures but, last night Brendon and I went to the DC temple for the first time since being out here and I did ‘look for help through the temple’.
The temple has always been a second home for me--a blessing promised to me when I was fourteen years old. As we sat there together, holding hands, I was impressed over and over at how organized and structured every step is. Even if there are times when we are not sure exactly what to do, someone is there to help us keep going. These past two months have felt so out of control and overwhelming--constant questions, and much doubt and confusion. Being in the temple made me ache for the time when we will once again be with Him and surrounded by His complete order--not a forced order but all will be utterly obedient because our souls long to do what He wants. This is what I am doing now--longing to get through this test the way He wants and I don’t know if I am succeeding. The desire is definitely there. I’m just grateful that desires hold a significant weight in His eyes.
In the majestic celestial room I cried as I entered and saw Brendon turn towards me to meet me with his arms. I could contentedly relive that over and over. Sitting there together and for the first time in two months (since learning about Mary Deane’s diagnosis) I felt completely calm. Both my body and spirit relaxed and I let the serenity seep into me hoping to take some with me when we left.
So, despite the chaotic mess found in my mind, in our relationships, and on our carpet (MD’s meds don’t always make it in her mouth) I know Heavenly Father is there to help me keep going, to give me that structure and order that seems to be missing all too often.
8 comments:
Oh, Ann. Thank you for these thoughts. I am glad for the reminder of the importance of the temple.
Your words calm us all the way over here. Love Mary Deane's perfect posture. What a beauty!
It seems the adversary tries with all his might to thwart the effort of attending the temple, but it's always worth it. Always.
I agree with what has been said. The peace you feel in the temple is so comforting. I think we all need to go more often.
Yes, that posture is amazing! I've found that "chaotic mess" in our minds never quite leaves, I guess it must be there for a reason--the proverbial "locusts in our feild". If their only purpose served is to drive us to the doors of the House of The Lord, then it is worth the sting of their gnawing bite.
Wow. This is just what I needed.
Thank you.
And all these comments too, especially Jordan's.
It's nice to know other people feel that constant chaotic mind mess. And then to be reminded of the way the Temple can calm it.
Thank you.
I know Taya's arthritis is not the same severity of cystic fibrosis, but we found out about Taya's probable arthritis around the same time that you found out about MD ... and I really feel a connection when I read these posts. (Did I already mention this?)
I have such hope and faith for all of you beautiful young mothers raising the next generation. You shouted for joy at this opportunity and all of us around you are there to help whenever you need us and as much as we can without lifting your burdens from you. Only one can do that. He is the only one who can change hearts and heal souls so perfectly. I love you Ann. I love you MD, I love you Brendon. Hugs, Tina (mom)
I forgot one other thing. Ann, remind Brendon to share our "temple story" with you. (the one when his dad was a L.A. police officer) I am pretty sure I did already but heeding the challenge to attend the temple every month of our lives has been the gift and promise that has carried us through so much. Each month when you calender set that date first. It will be the most important one that you set next to date nights. :) Love you guys so much. Tina (mominlaw, grandma and mom)
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