April 8th

MD at 6 months old

April 8th. A date forever marked in the calendar of my mind. This day, last year, MD was diagnosed with Cystic Fibrosis, a genetic terminal illness that effects the respiratory, digestive and reproductive systems. Four o’clock in the afternoon was the determined time to let us know the results of the test. I sat with 6-month-old MD in my lap in our pediatrician’s office. We were talking and the doctor was paged for a phone call--our life changing phone call. I waited thinking how surreal this all was and that it couldn’t be possible that she could have this disease that I hardly knew anything about. She came back in, avoided my eyes, sat down and showed me the most sullen face. What was only a moment, felt multiplied exponentially. I can’t even recall the words she said. The test was positive. I felt my face burn red and my body get heavy as if gravity had just increased its pull. I started to cry and the Doctor handed me a kleenex. She was crying too, and I remember feeling touched. Our world had just cracked, as my sister Jordan later put it. I still remember Mary Deane’s little body sitting in my lap. She was blissfully unaware, and for the most part, still is today. I asked the doctor if I could call Brendon and she said of course and continued to sit there, watching me. Frustrated, having someone I hardly knew stare at me while I tried to make sense of it all, I asked her to leave. I just wanted to be alone, with Brendon, and in our own home. I called Brendon at work, and simply said, while crying “She has it, she has it.” Brendon was in disbelief and I asked him to come to the office. What a beautiful sight he was when he walked through that door. We held each other and cried. The doctor came back in and Brendon asked some questions. We were told to go immediately to the hospital (which, looking back now, I wish they would have given us that night to stay at home and recollect ourselves a little bit). We went home, told our parents, and hurriedly left for the hospital. The months that followed were some of the most agonizing we have ever experienced. We are eternally grateful for family and friends whose prayers and kind deeds have helped to lighten our load. One year later, I am happy to say that we have come a long way. MD’s condition continues to send me to my kneels daily and I know this burden is shared with our Heavenly Father and Savior. Someone once asked me, in regards to CF, if I consider myself blessed. I replied:

Yes! A million times, yes! Having a child with Cystic Fibrosis is hard, but it has taught us to enjoy each day to the fullest and to not take things for granted, we find joy in the little things of life. It has also made the divine more apparent in our lives. We see God's hand in the very details and we know He is ever aware of us and our sweet little Mary Deane. We know this is temporary and one day in the hereafter she will be healed completely. If having Mary Deane as my daughter means dealing with CF I accept it with a full heart and with gratitude!