Today, my heart has been paradoxically full. It is difficult to explain. I have been pleasantly and repeatedly reminded of my blessings and how full my life is and yet, at the same time, aware of my weaknesses and the trials that surround our little family. It makes for an emotional Ann--and Brendon is all too familiar with her.
For example, today, Mary Deane and I cuddle and tickle and giggle and wiggle on the rug--and I think to myself “what happiness!” and in that selfsame moment I start to cry remembering how fragile life is, how fragile her life is.
Again, today, Brendon and I talk and laugh and share and relate on the phone--and I think to myself “what an amazing husband!” and in that selfsame moment I start to remember how far I am from being the wife who unfailingly puts his happiness before her own.
But these seemingly incongruous moments are really the fuel for loving life all that much more. When I am watchful of my greatest joys I am invariably shown the sorrows that could possibly hinder them. And when I am shown my sorrows I am even more attentive to my greatest joys and determined to overcome my sorrows for them.
I hope to always have a paradoxical heart.
6 comments:
I sometimes have paradoxical heart moments too and I think they are useful because they remind us what it truly feels like to be ALIVE--the joys and sorrows all mingled into one moment.
Opposition in all things, which makes us fight harder through the sorrows and helps us truly treasure the joys. Another profound thought from the desk of Ann--I thank you dearly for it!
Mary Deane is a catalyst for your learning things at a much more rapid pace than I ever did. She is blessed to have you as her mother.
You explained it so well, despite the difficulty. Wonderful words to ponder.
And I think you're the only one wanting more Asia photos. I have SO many. There will be at least one more Japan blog....then on to Korea.
Oh the contrasts of life! You said it perfectly.
And I want more Asia photos too!
I hope you do too Ann! Fit, beaue its normaliing for me, and second oto feel that gamut of emtions, bliss, to fea, all in such a hot Pshap, well, it men's we'e alive. Happily, Painfully, Cheegylly, cautiouly alive,
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